funny quotes

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.